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I’d thought I was alone, or just unlucky, but as I spoke to other women — 13 for this piece — I realized it wasn’t just me.Targeted harassment from Asian-American men toward Asian-American women over choosing a non-Asian partner or having multiracial children, I discovered, is widespread, vicious, and devastating.
Almost always, the “proof” is that they have relationships with non-Asian men.
To this community, it’s a scarcity model: Asian women who succeed are accused of succeeding “at the expense of” Asian men.
The worst scarcity, they believe, is in the dating pool: Asian women who “marry out” are perpetuating the stereotype that Asian men are undesirable.
Writers Mimi Wong, journalist Clarissa Wei, and the vast majority of women I spoke to for this piece (including me) were all targeted after being highlighted on “AZNidentity” — which frequently calls out Asian women its members disapprove of.
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Officially, AZNidentity describes itself as “a Pan Asian (East, Southeast, South, Central) community against all forms of anti Asian racism.” Though some of the posts on the forum do focus on Asian identity and fighting racism, on the day I checked, 18 of the 30 most recent posts — and 20 of the 30 top posts of all time — explicitly discussed Asian women’s choice of sexual partners.
A startling number of posts on subreddits like AZNidentity, as well as harassing messages on social media, use language like “cultural genocide” and “eugenics.” Asian men face long-standing stereotypes that they’re socially awkward, unmasculine, or sexually unattractive, and these perceptions often put them at a disadvantage, from academics to work to dating apps.
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President Kimball tells us, “Any dating or pairing off in social contacts should be postponed until at least the age of 16 or older, and even then there should be much judgement used in selections and in the seriousness.” President Kimball goes on to counsel us that beginning the dating process too soon almost always brings young immature marriages or immorality and sin. Missionary work must be done without hazard of emotional romantic involvement that leads to conditions which confuse the potential candidate as to his purpose in investigating or joining the Church, I am quite aware that we have faithful members of the Church who have joined as a result of exposure to the Church by their spouse. You will also get to know things about your date that you could not find out any other way because with more people, there is naturally more conversation. Do not make it a habit to be out late or up late for that matter. Resistance seems to be lower at night, so make it a habit to be in early from your dates.… continue reading »
So whatever Kevin or Karen think they learned about sexual signals from previous partners does not necessarily apply. Yet if you spend a few hours--preferably billable ones--surfing through Internet personals or reading a day's worth of my e-mail at "Savage Love," my syndicated sex-advice column, you’ll find at least two condemnations of “game-playing” for every endorsement of long walks on the beach.… continue reading »