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16-Nov-2020 13:29

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I wish I could say that is was the “gift of desperation” or the rabid desire for a new life that kept me coming back to the rooms when I was new. I am still envious of the young newcomer girls who are pulled aside by other women and warned about the predatory old timers who wait in anticipation for the next wave of fresh meat. I became best friends with another hot newcomer girl and together we went through the 13th step mill, at times sharing some of the same old timers. I was a willing participant, although at 45 days or even four months, you’re so hungry for attention and distraction that you think you can handle things that you’re clearly not able to in retrospect. And, if it wasn’t romance taking me out, it was the lack of romance—the ache of terrible loneliness.

Oh, the boys…with their smoky breath and ironic t-shirts and tattooed forearms, waxing philosophical about life and spinning tales of desperation, desecration and finally redemption. I could easily branch off`into horror stories about how I was 13th stepped by program quasi-gurus who had double-digit sobriety while I was just stringing days together.

But we can work around that.” But she never touched me.

She didn’t date straight girls, newcomers, or crazy people.

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“I am a woman,” the man—who, as it turned out, was a woman—said. I had never been attracted to a woman before but she wasn’t just a woman: she was, when I got to know her, this amazing combination of the best traits of a female best friend with all the machismo and chivalry of a man.“Baby, you only going to go to women’s meetings and gay meetings,” she said. You gonna focus on recovery.” “Well that sounds boring,” I said.



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